Affirmation
by makesometime
Summary: "Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of her life." My take on the night before the first pilgrimage tries to make its way to Terra Nova.


A/N: This is more serious than what I've been coming up with lately and I'm quite proud of it. I really hope you all enjoy and I will henceforth not be spamming you quite so hard.

(Makes reference to my fic **Tags**, though no need to read that one first, they've not meant to be compliant.)

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><p>Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of her life.<p>

Well, so the brass kept telling her, bright smiles masking their fear and their _ohthankgodit'snotme_. Alicia had always been more of a realist. Tomorrow _might_ be the first day of the rest of her life.

But, it might not.

She looked around the small room she'd been given with a curious eye. It was certainly nicer than typical military accommodation. There was a queen size bed that looked like it might actually have a mattress. She had a kitchenette, just in case the butterflies in her stomach took up and left and she needed something else to fill the space. A table and chairs that looked like they'd cost about three dollars to make, purchase and assemble.

And her entire worldly possessions in one black bag.

She looked at the latter with a sigh. Ever since she'd agreed to this mission, her life had revolved around saying goodbye. To this world, to her friends, to the accumulations of a lifetime on Earth. Everything that could be sold had been, everything else was given to the needy outside the domes. She'd only kept a few items - her medals, a few of her favourite souvenirs (she still had the bullets they'd pulled out of her after Somalia in a little glass bottle) and a necklace belonging to her grandmother. Things that she could never leave behind.

She looked down at her rebreather resting on the counter and smiled. At least that was something she was pleased to leave in 2142. She picked it up and dropped it from a great height into the waste basket, enjoying the satisfying clunk it made. Their route through to the portal was completely sealed, a demand of the higher ups who didn't want a pile of abandoned rebreathers clogging up the route.

Her eye caught the clock and she sighed. They'd be going through at 0800, it was only 2200 now, too early to go to bed and pretend to sleep. Instead she settled for pacing, flicking through the pictures on her tags as she did so.

After about five minutes of this there was a knock at her door, which startled her enough to make her drop the tags. She quickly deactivated them, knowing which one she'd been staring at, before making her way to the door.

She opened it to reveal her commanding officer leaning against the wall, a bottle and two glasses clutched in one hand.

"Evening, Wash."

"Sir." She responded with a puzzled smile - she had no idea how he looked so calm.

"Can I come in?"

"I hardly think that'd be proper, sir." She said. When his face showed a flicker of uncertainty she laughed." How long have you known me? You think I give a damn about propriety?"

"Wouldn't want to assume, Wash." He said, easy smile back on his face.

She grinned, stepping back to allow him entrance. "Come on in, sir."

She led him over to the table and chairs, the cheap plastic creaking under their weight. "No expense spared, right?"

He chuckled. "What do you expect? Not gonna waste money on a suicide mission."

Wash flinched at his words, at the hard truth of them. "Do you think...?"

"No." He said, cutting her off mid-thought. "But they do."

"And what if they're right?" She asked, smirking at his raised eyebrow. "Just playing devil's advocate, sir."

"Well..." He started, pouring them each a generous helping of liquor. "If that's the case, we'll meet our maker together." He pushed her glass towards her and held his up in a toast to his words.

She wanted to deny the existence of the flip flop of her stomach at his words, but her mind was having none of it. Nathaniel had personally chosen her for this, wanted her to be his second, to be with him as they took their steps into a new world. She was _meant_ to be here. And the fact was this: if the end was coming for them both tomorrow then they would leave their lifetime together. Considering that she'd spent much of her adult life preparing for him to die first, or for her to leave him without wanting to… well, that thought was more than a little thrilling.

Her stomach was allowed to flip flop, she reasoned, as she sipped her drink and enjoyed the burn in her throat. She was only human, after all.

They spoke for much of the next couple of hours about everything and nothing. No subject was off-limits, memories long buried were brought up and discussed in case it was their last chance to do so. Lost friends were toasted, even though no excuse to drink was really needed.

They even discussed Ayani, a therapeutic experience for them both. Alicia had considered the woman a friend, but never dared to mention her name around Nathaniel unless he instigated the discussion.

It was well past midnight when he reluctantly stood to leave, telling her she should get some rest despite them both knowing they'd be far more likely to just lie awake in their beds until the alarm bell rang in the morning. She stood by the table and willed her feet to follow him to the door, but instead remained rooted to the spot.

She had to tell him. There was no point in holding onto a secret through fear when throwing yourself through a crack in time was the next point of call.

"Sir?" She asked, before her confidence fled. He stopped just before he reached the door, turning to face her. "If the worst happens tomorrow… I couldn't bear it if you didn't know-."

He stepped forward at the same time she did and placed his hand gently over her lips to cease her words. "Don't. You don't have to, don't say anything you'll regret."

She took his hand carefully away from her mouth and held it tightly between both of her own. "I won't regret it. I couldn't." She said. "Stay with me. Just for tonight."

"Wash…"

"_Nathaniel_." Alicia said, stepping closer. "Just one night."

He stared at her for what could have been both an eternity or barely a nanosecond; time lost all meaning as she gazed into his eyes, imploring him to feel the same way she did, the way she knew he must. She watched as the corner of his mouth raised in a small smile and he nodded, squeezing her hand tightly in his own.

Alicia knew, as she pulled on his arm and walked backwards towards the bed, that it would not be a night of fireworks. She'd put good money on him not being with anyone since Ayani died and it'd been almost the same amount of time for her (she wasn't the type to fall into bed with one man when hopelessly in love with another).

But then again, she thought, when he kissed her for the first time and her knees nearly buckled, she'd been wrong before. She'd never quite so happy about it though.

He smiled against her lips when she let out a whimper of desire, clearly amused at the sound coming from his stoic lieutenant. In response she reached down to squeeze his ass and pull him tighter against her. His resulting surprised exhalation opened his mouth to hers and she took full advantage.

Now that she knew exactly what he could do with his mouth, she didn't know how she was supposed to be able to take orders from it again. Which, most probably, was why regulations existed in the first place.

But regulations would be different in Terra Nova, as would the both of them. To worry about something that wasn't even in her life was so unlike her. She always tried to live in the here and now - and right here and right now she had the man she'd spent half her life dreaming of was laying her reverentially down on a bed and settling his weight over her.

The here and now was all she needed.

There were moments when he looked down at her, thrusting his hips against hers as if they had all the time in the world, when she would swear he wasn't seeing her at all, that he had another image in his mind. But then his bright blue eyes would lock onto hers and she would know he was with her entirely, just her, happy and content to be so.

Alicia didn't consider herself a romantic. Fluffy novels and girly chats had never ranked high on her list of things to bother with and she had often laughed at the stereotypes in the dirty books that got handed around the barracks as entertainment. But when she came and saw stars behind her eyelids, feeling her orgasm trigger a near-simultaneous one in Nathaniel she realised she might have to re-evaluate her opinion.

They didn't speak, even once they'd actually regained the ability to do so - breaking the silence surrounding them would have broken the spell they'd woven; just one man and one woman with no obligations or limitations.

Nathaniel moved off of her, Alicia reluctantly allowing him to do so once it became apparent that he was just trying to spare her the ordeal of bearing his weight. He pulled her with him and allowed her to curl up on her side next to him, his arm snaking around her waist to pull her back up against his front.

He pressed a kiss to the side of her neck and she felt all of the remaining tension leave her body as she fell into a dreamless sleep.

#

When Alicia awoke the clock merrily informed her it was just past 0300. With a groan she rolled over, only to find herself being watched. She smiled a little, rubbing at her eyes.

"You have to go, don't you?" She asked, propping herself up on her elbow to mirror Nathaniel's posture.

"Probably a good idea." He said, reaching to brush an errant strand of hair out of her face.

He leant forward to capture her lips and Alicia didn't hold back the happy little sigh that had been building since she'd realised she wasn't waking alone for the first time in years. She wound an arm around his back and pulled herself closer, slipping a leg between his and smiling when she felt him already hard against her.

He pulled back, eyes closed as she casually rubbed up against him. "Never been fond of good ideas." He chuckled, hand moving to the back of her head to pull her lips back to his.

Alicia pressed down on his shoulder to make him lie flat on the bed and straddled him without breaking their kiss. She took hold of him with one hand and guided him into her, biting at his lip as her body responded instantly to his presence within her.

He would have to leave eventually, and that moment would not be long in coming. The leader of the Terra Nova expedition could not be late because he was busy knocking boots with his subordinate.

But this moment was theirs, one last memory to hold on to before they took the step into the unknown together. It was an affirmation - they were not in this alone. And as long as they had each other, they never would be.


End file.
